there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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