The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
