just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
