I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
