My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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