I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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