Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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