Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
