you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
