Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The air was thick with penises
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
