It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
