When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
