my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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