just come out here and I will go home with you...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
