You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
