Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
