dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like death gave me a hand job
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
These tits shall not be calmed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
