made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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