When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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