he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
