she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
