Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
