I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
