xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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