That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
