WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
