i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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