Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
