what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
