god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
