after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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