At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
