I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
