i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You can't motorboat a personality
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
