I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
