i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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