I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
