i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
