Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
