Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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