i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
