Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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