Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I came so hard my ears popped.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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