Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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