I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
