I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
