what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
