dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
