Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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