you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
