Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
