I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We left an ass print on the piano.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
