I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
